??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
