I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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