Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize