I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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