My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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