And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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