So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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