I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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