do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
