I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
