Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You're like the curious george of whores
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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