Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
