dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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