booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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