I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
