I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
