i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
