so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
