i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this just has baby written all over it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
