we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
