I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
