No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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