Your favorite bartender is back from prision
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
