I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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