youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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