I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
