just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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