Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
