wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
