My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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