As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
