dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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