Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
