Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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