it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
