I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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