it was like eating out sand paper
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
