from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
