News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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