I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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