I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
