I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
