seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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