In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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