come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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