got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
