I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
