Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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