Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
