Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
