I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
