ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
