I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
