It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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