I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
