Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
