Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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