Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
