...so i touched it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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