so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
