I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
