i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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