don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
