If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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