i permit you to call me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
