How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize