six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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