well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
