I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize